Wish I knew

I never expected this.  Never thought that I would be here in this place at this point in my life.I was never the prettiest one but far from the ugliest.  On the inside and out.  No one tells you that the older you get, the smaller your circles become and the lonelier you feel if no one is there to comfort you.
I've never understood the concept of buying love.  Always saw it in the form of male order brides.  Never did I see artificial insemination that way, but I do know.
Folks try to convince you that it is ok, but what do they know?  They are viewing the greener grass on the other side and ignoring the weeds and fake plastic grass patches.  They don't see the life long effects.  I wish I could interview some folks who are products of this experience.  Seehow they feel about it now versus then.  MaYbe I will.

But for now, I lay here and struggle with decisions I made almost 20yrs ago.  Although months of deliberation went into that decision, if I knew what I know now, you might not be reading this....